


nettie attack

by icymapletree



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Babysitting, Gen, Incredibles AU, Jack-Jack Attack, Peter Parker is a Dad, Peter Parker's daughter, i don't know how to tag this lmaooo, kari needs a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 13:29:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20583287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icymapletree/pseuds/icymapletree
Summary: "The baby was on the ceiling!" Kari frantically said, "You ever see a baby on the ceiling, Mr Fury?"





	nettie attack

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of the Pixar short called Jack-Jack Attack! You don't need to have seen it for this to make sense, but this is pretty much that short with a spidery twist.
> 
> Thanks for checking this story out!

“Wow, it’s dark in here,” a shrill female voice rings out in the darkness.

A light flickers on, and two people sit opposite each other. One is a teenage girl, strawberry blonde hair pulled back neatly into a high ponytail. She is wearing a large sweatshirt in olive green and has braces covering her above average sized teeth. The other person in the room is a man wearing an eyepatch and a nicely fitted black suit. In between the two is a sleek metal table.

“Wow, and now it’s too bright,” she says, covering her squinted eyes with her hand.

“Case 151962, Director Nick Fury interrogating,” he says as the girl continues to look around. 

“Wow,” she says again with wide eyes.

“State your name please.”

The girl sits up straighter. “Kari. Kari McKeen. It’s like ‘Carrie’ only with a ‘k’ instead of a ‘c’ and an ‘ah’ instead of an ‘ay’ and only one ‘r’ and an ‘i’ instead of an ‘ie,’” she explains, using her pointed finger to touch the paper then gesture around.

“Tell me about the incident,” Fury states.

“Well, it started like any normal sitting gig. You know, with the reassuring of the parents and all…”

Kari opens her retelling with Antoinette Parker sitting in a high chair as she batted an orange between her hands.

“Mr Parker, I can totally handle anything this baby dishes out,” she said, gesturing with her free hand that was not holding her cell phone. She turned to face Nettie, wagging her finger and said in a cooing, gentle voice, “Can’t I little girly? Who can? I can.”

Nettie continued to giggle in the background when the line went dead. Shrugging, Kari pressed the end call button.

“She knows you’re in good hands. Aren’t you Nettie? Aren’t you?” she said gently.

Nettie gnawed on the orange and gave a big smile and a giggle.

Kari placed her hands on her hips and rhetorically asked “Now who’s ready for some neurological stimulation?”

Kari placed out a puzzle and a xylophone, then found the house speaker system and began to place some classical music. She smiled at the little girl, before turning around to get another activity ready.

“It’s time for cognitive development!” she exclaimed softly before turning around to an empty spot on the floor. Nettie was on the kitchen table about twenty feet from where she had left her. Kari furrowed her brow before going over to take Nettie off the table. Nettie hid behind the large flower vase, leaping over to the refrigerator when Kari tried to move it.

She heard the refrigerator door open, and noticed Nettie one the floor drinking on of her bottles.

“Okay, that was weird,” Kari said and pulled her phone from off the table before calling Mr Parker again. “Hello Mr Parker, this is Kari, I have a question about Nettie, can you call me?”

While her back was turned, Nettie leapt onto the ceiling, hanging upside down with a bottle in hand. When Kari turned back around, she noticed the baby on the ceiling and reached her arms up to pull her down, but then Nettie pulled off the bottle cap, drenching Kari in milk.

Kari called Mr Parker again, but not before putting Nettie in her crib and covering the top.

“Mr Parker it’s me, Nettie is fine, but weird things are happening,” she said frantically, “and you need to tell me what to do cause I don’t-” she glances back to Nettie’s crib and the bars had been pulled out of the way. She calmly looked for Nettie, noticing her on one of the book shelves.

“How’d you get up there?” she asked, cocking her head. Nettie titled off the side of the bookshelf before falling off and doing a couple flips before landing them softly on her bottom.

Kari rushed to grab her before she fell, but Nettie managed to land before Kari got to her.

“What the-” she said breathlessly, but Nettie was already rapidly crawling into the hallway. She went up the walls, bouncing between them, knocking down a few picture frames along the way. Kari aimlessly chased the baby, before just standing there and staring with comically wide eyes. When Nettie came bouncing back her way, she grabbed her and set the baby on the floor.

“Alright, we are going to be calm and look at flashcards,” Kari said, feigning relaxation, but the stress was bleeding through in her voice. She tethered the baby to a chair in the living room, before pulling out the cards.

“Triangle,” she said, holding out a card. Nettie made a little triangle with her fingers. 

“House,” Kari said again, and Nettie made the same shape. 

“Spider,” she said, and instead of doing anything to symbolize a spider, Nettie jumped onto the ceiling, tearing the tether.

Kari screamed, backing up before grabbing tongs from the kitchen and pulling the child from the ceiling.

“Good baby,” she said calmly, “nice baby…”

The house was a disaster the next morning. Toys were haphazardly discarded all over the floor and the furniture was knocked over. Kari had set up another tether to the chair, and everytime the baby jumped to the ceiling, she pulled her down with tongs. Kari’s hair was fanned out over her head and bags were very prominent under her eyes. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Kari exhaustedly rushed to the door.

“Yes?” she asked, looking at a man with a fishbowl on his head and a long red cape dragging on the ground. 

“Is this the Parker residence?” the strange man asked.

“Yes, I’m Kari, the babysitter,” she said maniacally with a deranged smile.

“Well, hello, uh, Kari, I’m uh-”

“You’re my replacement! Thank heavens you’ve come! What’s the fishbowl for?” she asked with a wagging finger.

“For… entertaining the children. Originally, I was gonna bring a puppy, but the children like to watch the fish swim around. I mean, why have a fishbowl on your head if you’re not gonna have any fish, you know?”

Back in the interrogation room, Fury stares at Kari with a blank gaze.

“And you believed him?” he asked with a furrowed brow and harsh eyes.

“The baby was on the ceiling! You ever see a baby on the ceiling, Mr Fury?”

“Have you told anyone about this? Your parents?”

“Yeah, they thought I was being funny,” she cocks her head, “But you believe me, don’t you, Mr Fury?”

“Sure, kid,” Fury says, angling a tranq gun at her head.

“I just wish I could forget the whole thing,” she sighs.

“You will, kid,” he says, and fires the gun. Kari slumps forward, passed out.

When she woke up the next morning, she had no memories of Michelle and Peter’s kid. However, much to Peter’s dismay, it did appear that his daughter would be just as spidery as he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Please come talk to me on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/icymapletree)!


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